


The Fives Times Cas Felt Human And The One Time He Definitely Didn't.

by alexxxford



Category: Unspecified Fandom
Genre: Cas being Cas, Destiel - Freeform, Fluff, Gen, M/M, Post-Apocalypse, Post-Apocalypse!cas, Smut, Supernatural - Freeform, human!Cas
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-16
Updated: 2013-07-04
Packaged: 2017-12-15 05:17:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/845748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexxxford/pseuds/alexxxford
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“So Castiel, you feeling human yet?” Bobby asks.</p><p>There were five incidents that stuck out for him. Five times in the last couple of months it had really hit him that he wasn’t an angel anymore.<br/>It hadn't been natural progression for him.</p><p>Who knew being human was so hard?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The time Cas discoverd the joys of hayfever.

**Author's Note:**

> 6 ficlets for the 6 events Cas feels important since becoming human. (can be read individually)

**“So Castiel, you feeling human yet?” Bobby raises a beer to the Winchesters newest lodger over the campfire.**  
 **It’s nearly ten o’clock in the evening and the airs starting to cool. Dean is stood over the barbeque, steaks, sausages, bacon, in an apron informing everyone to ‘kiss the chef’.  
**  
 **Sam is prodding logs on the bonfire. He’s already got it head high, but apparently that’s not good enough for him.  
**  
 **Bobby’s sat on a bench, a cooler full of beers to his left, sharpening his knives.  
**  
 **Castiel is sat on a bench opposite him, in his usual trench coat, an untouched beer to his left, an untouched burger on his right. He contemplates the question. It was only an off-hand remark. Only Bobby trying to make casual conversation. But he feels like it requires an answer. There were five incidents that stuck out for him. Five times in the last couple of months it had really hit him that he wasn’t an angel anymore.  
**  
 **It wasn’t natural progression. It wasn’t as it seemed. He didn’t just wake up human. Oh if it only it was that easy. No. Who knew there were so many things to learn.**  
 **Who knew it was so difficult to be human.**

"Dude, are you crying?" Sam exclaimed, in shock and amusement upon finding Cas sat in the dingy kitchen area on a bright afternoon in June.

They’d (him and Dean) spent the morning digging a trench around the backyard and were now trying to build a fence. Sam had wanted to buy one. ‘ _Let’s build one’_ Dean had suggested. ‘ _It’ll be fun’_ he’d said. Well it wasn’t.

Castiel hadn’t joined in. He’d watched them for a couple of hours in the morning, but disappeared inside after lunch. The brothers concluded he wasn’t handling the heat. _If he’d just take that dammed jacket of…_  
"If this water coming from my eyes signifies crying then yes I am, but not by choice" he wipes the back of his hand across his eyes roughly and continues to scowl at Sam.  
  
"Few people choose to cry Cas" Sam points out. He bends down, pulling a beer out the fridge, wiping his brow and clipping it on the edge of the counter to open it, chugging half straight away. He’s burning up outside and he can feel beads of sweat run from his hair down his neck and between his shoulder blades.  
  
"Well how do I stop?!" the ex-angel begins to panic.  
  
"Hey Sammy, this fence isn't gonna make itse.." Deans loud, somewhat obnoxious voice trails off as he spots Sam in his dirty white vest sniggering at a forlorn looking Cas sat on a bar stool, legs swinging beneath him, eyes streaming. "Er.. everything okay?" he frowns.  
  
Sam pulls another beer out of the fridge, handing it to his brother, shaking his head and heading back into the garden. Dean can deal with Cas.  
  
"No Dean everything is not okay. Look!" he gestures to his face and the tears rolling down his cheeks, his usually bright blue eyes rimmed with red.  
Dean bites his lip to stifle a laugh.  
  
"Why're you crying? Hey you been watching Disney again?" he accuses, pointing his beer bottle at Cas before swigging from it, shaking his head, a smile wrinkling the corners of his eyes.  
  
Castiel shuffles in his chair and frowns indignantly. _That was one time_. And only because he couldn't be bothered to get up and find the remote. Sam was there too. He could of changed it. _Anyway, that was a story for another time..._  
  
"I do not want to be crying. Make it stop!"  
  
Dean sucked his lips in, trying not to burst out with laughter but the more he looked at Castiel, the pure frustration and confusion on his face, the funnier it became and soon he was doubled over, clutching his sides.

He could no longer hide how funny he was finding this, nor did he really want to "Cas" he gasps. "Do you have hayfever?"  
  
"Hay... _fever_?" Cas tilted his head to the side in that oh so familiar way. “A.. am I ill?” his brows shoot up in fear  
  
Dean straightens up "No, no” he reassures. “Are you allergic to pollen?"  
  
"Angels are not allergic to anything" he snaps quickly.  
  
"Yes. But _are you_?"  
  
The kitchen falls silent and suddenly the atmosphere feels very intense.  
The two of them just stare at each other for a moment. Castiel had forgotten. Forgotten for a moment what had happened. Forgotten himself.  
Anyone else might skirt around the fact he’d recently been cast down from heaven. But not Dean. He was blunt and crass and matter of fact and it actually made Castiel able to deal with it.  
  
"Humans.. cry. At pollen?" Cas finally breaks the silence.  
  
"Some of them. An I guess you're one of those lucky few" Dean shrugs, beginning to snigger again and friends look of utter disgust.  
  
"But I haven't.. _eaten_ any pollen"  
  
"You don't need to. Don't even need to touch the stuff. Just the fact all those beautiful flowers are blooming all around us.." and Dean is full on laughing again now as Cas wipes his eyes with the cuffs off his coat, sniffing loudly. Great. His nose is running too.  
  
"They make you cry. But I don't even feel sad! Gah, humans are stupid!"  
  
Dean shrugs. "Hey, maybe if the big guy ever lets you back up there you can have a word with him about it. I'm sure there'd be a few people more than grateful.."  
  
Cas tries to glare at him but he can't stop rubbing his eyes because they're so damn itchy..  
  
 _"Dean! Make it stop!"_ he whines and Dean finally cracks.  
  
"Okay okay, come on buddy"  
  
Dean grabs his keys. "We'll go to the pharmacy get some anti-histamines.”  
  
"Anti-what?"  
  
"Tablets to stop you crying about flowers" Dean explains, patting him on the back, chuckling to himself and guiding him to the impala whilst he rubs his eyes.  
Castiel doesn't bother defending himself. He's too busy worrying about what other nasty surprises being human has got I store for him.  
  
He continues to ignore Dean all the way to the store ".. _From fighting demons to crying at flowers. Oh how the mighty have fallen.."_ Dean who seems to be thoroughly enjoying this whole affair.


	2. The time Cas forgot to eat.

Then there was food…

Dean pulls the sheets over his head, trying to block out his brothers and Cas’ voices traveling all the way from the kitchen through the gaps around his door, but their persistent bickering had woken him up and was continuing to keep him awake.  
He throws his arms down in frustration and rolls onto his back, holding his breath, trying to psych himself up to get out of his warm bed.  
Shaking his head and with a deep breath, he forces himself up and goes to investigate the cause of the raucous.

“Well, beggars can’t be choosers Cas” Sam is saying, notably exasperated. It’s about half eleven, the time of night Dean has gone to bed and Sam is use to a bit of peace, to catalogue his laptop (Dean’s convinced that’s actually just code for porn) or whatever. But now he has to put up with Cas who appears to like a late night…

“I.. I am not a beggar. I resent that” Castiel folds his arms across his chest and huffs.

Dean holds out his arms. “Come on guys, I’ve only been asleep an hour. What’s going on?” Dean yawns, squinting against the harsh light of the kitchen. Cas has taken up his usual spot at the breakfast bar and Sam his, bent over looking in the fridge.

Sam rocks back on his heels with a heavy sigh. “Cas’s hungry but he doesn’t want anything we’ve got in”

“You’re kidding me right?” Dean raises his eyebrows at their newly human companion. “I did the shopping this week!”

“I think that’s the problem” Sam shakes his head, straightening up and tapping the fridge shut with his socked foot.

“Dude, did you offer him those piz-“

“Pizza cones yes”

“You didn’t fancy those?” Dean questions Cas, with seemingly genuine surprise. Castiel just scowls.

“Well how about the-those pies. In a tin?”

“Yeah no, surprisingly enough he didn’t want those either”

“Or the-“

“Or the mini sloppy joes”

“Well dude, you’re just being fussy” Dean shrugs.

Another loud gargling rings out of Cas’ stomach as he wraps his arms around it, cringing in pain. “I.. I feel faint” he stammers, biting his lip as another dizzy spell washes over him. This is horrible. He feels so.. _weak_. Maybe his vessel is.. broken?

Deans about to turn to leave but a thought hits him and he stops “When was the last time you ate?” he asks, turning slowly.

Cas shrugs, his face screwing up with more abdominal growls and he groans.

“Yeah, come to think of it, I haven’t.. seen him eat in..” Sam looks at his brother who’s face suddenly pales.

Both of their eyes widen. “Cas..” Dean probes.

“I don’t know. The day before yesterday?” he grunts in reply. He hadn’t eaten yesterday because that’s when he’d started to worry that maybe something was wrong with Jimmy’s body. He’d been feeling nauseous and dizzy all day and watching Dean shovel four hotdogs down in as many minutes… he had not fancied anything.  
Then today it had been in waves. Waves of illness.

Still, he’s intrigued, if not a little alarmed by Deans reaction.

“Crap! Cas I’m so sorry man!” Dean’s jaw drops. “I.. I totally forgot I.. didn’t think man”

“I know you eat all the time. But Sam said you were just greedy..”

Dean frowns at his brother.

Sam just shrugs, surprised at how worried he’s actually looking.

“Come on man, let’s go get you something” he ushers Cas out, frowning over his shoulder at his brother. _“What the hell”_ he mouths.

 _“I don’t know”_ Sam shrugs back.

“I am going to be alright aren’t I?” Cas asks he’s folded into the Impala.

“Of corse buddy” Dean forces a smile and Castiel relaxes.

They return half an hour later. Cas has a paper bag of McDonalds, a Domino’s Pizza box, an Ice Cream cone and a bag of pick’n’mix. Dean follows him in with two carrier bags on each arm. Sam watches with some amusement as Dean flutters round the kitchen, whipping up a few different things while Castiel explains exactly how he likes them.

“I like the pasta to still be a bit hard.. lots of pepper.. don’t burn it!”

Twenty minutes later he falls down heavily onto the couch, dropping his head back, running a hand through his hair and holding a beer out for Sam.

“You okay?” they clink bottles.

“Dude, I just feel like we failed him or something” he sighs, unwrapping his own burger and taking a bite.

Sam screws up his face, looking away with a laugh. “How were we to know?” he shrugs. “I mean, there’s always food. I just.. assumed..”

“-Yeah we assumed he was eating but he wasn’t! He doesn’t understand!” Dean looks over his shoulder back to the kitchen where Cas is sat, happily munching away on about five different dishes. “It’s our job to look out for him and we failed”

“We’ve learnt our lesson, we’ll be more careful, ok? You go back to bed. I’ll clear up after him” although he was still surprised at his brothers reaction, maybe not so surprised.

Dean was brought up being told every day to look after Sam and no matter how tough he appeared on the outside, he was a carer. A nurturer. He didn’t let many people in, but if you were one of the special few, he did everything, went above and beyond to look after you. Something small like Cas going hungry was a big deal to him. If his friends suffered, he took it personally.

“I dunno, I should wait til he’s finished. See if he needs anything…”

On the other hand, Sam couldn’t help but think Castiel was milking this. Just a little. He looks up again at their newest companion slurping on an extra large milkshake.

“Dude. I think he’s gonna be okay”

Cas smiled as Dean nods goodnight to him, chewing on his carbonara. He was going to be very careful from now on to eat whenever Dean ate. Well… maybe whenever Sam ate. Not only was food pretty enjoyable to eat, the consequences if you forgot were not enjoyable and he didn’t wish to experience them again.

“You’re an idiot” Sam shakes his head with a faint smile, reaching around Castiel, piling all his rubbish onto the largest plate to scrape into the bin.

“I don’t think it’s worked. I feel bad again”

“That’s because you’ve eaten too much now!”

“ _Too much?_ Sam I wasn’t aware there was such a fine line. How do I balance this?” he panics, grabbing a curly fry off the plate Sam was clearing away.

“You’ll learn” he smiles.


	3. The time Cas decided he didn't need sleep (and fell asleep on a hunt)

Sam drops back heavily in his armchair. "Dude. We've seen this one"  
  
"You sure? They all look the same to me.." Dean shrugs.  
  
He scowls at his older brother across the living room but Dean’s not really paying attention. He’s sat stretched out on the couch, legs across the seats, leaving just enough room for Cas at the other end.  
  
"Yeah" Sam continues. "The original meerkats and the new ones have a big.. _show down_ but the old ones defend their territory.."  
  
Dean simply raises an eyebrow at his brother and Sam blushes and quickly looks back at his laptop.   
"Whatever. I'm not watching anyway" he mutters stroppily.   
  
Cas is between them, eyes glued to the tv screen, seemingly completely oblivious to the exchange the brothers are having across him, and pretty much about him too. He just flicks the volume up when Sam moans.  
  
Dean chews a hangnail that's been bugging him all day, half-heartedly flicking through a copy of Nuts. Cas loves the discovery channel. He watches it for hours a day, completely absorbed and Dean could never take that away from him. Cas is going through a lot and it’s a small ask.  
However he knows what Sam means. It is annoying. The guy doing the commentary is so.. smarmy.   
But Cas is fascinated by all of gods 'wonderful creations'. So they deal.   
  
"Right, I'm going to bed" Dean declares a few minutes later. Cas ignores him. Sam sends him a pleading look, willing him to ask Cas to change the channel, as if Dean could control him, but Dean just shrugs helplessly and goes to bed and once again Sam is stuck with an evening of 'animal planet'.   
  
By two his eyelids are heavy and he can't keep focus on his laptop. He's found a few reports of disturbances at a fairly local school but they'd be no use until they'd had some sleep anyway and it definitely needed some more looking into before they went charging in, so he decides to call it a night.   
  
"Right that's me. Seeya in the morning" he shut’s his laptop and gets up. Cas doesn't look away from the TV or do anything to so much as acknowledge his comment. So Sam ignores him and goes to bed, setting his alarm early so he can try and get to the bottom of this and decide whether it should be their next case or not.  
  
  
"God, you two get up so early!" Dean stumbles from his room in only boxers and  a tshirt, his light brown hair scruffed up.   He squints at the clock. Okay, so it's half 10. Not that early. But he was always up last.   
  
"You need a lot of sleep" Cas observes casually, pouring milk over his coco pops and listening to them pop.   
  
"He's getting old" Sam sniggers.

“Dude! Not cool! Besides, Cas is way older than me!”

“In angel years-“ Cas begins.

“Don’t give me that crap! You act like a child but you are definitely oldest!” Dean grumbles and Cas frowns but its all in good humour.

The older Winchester grabs the serving plate piled high with pancakes meant for the three of them, covers them in syrup, and steps up behind his brother to hear about this mission.

“We boring you?” he raises and eyebrow as Castiel yawns loudly behind them.

With a quick call to Bobby they agree on the idea of some ‘Demon Headmaster’. Pretty straight forward exorcism, so the boys are in the Impala and off.

_“Hey teacher! Leave them kids alooone!”_ Dean drums on the steering wheel, banging his head, singing at Cas who’s looking out of it in the front seat.

  
“We’re very impressed with everything” Sam fakes a smile.

“Why thank you Mr..?”

“Cameron”

“Thank you Mr Cameron. Especially as we were not expecting Ofsted”

Dean and Sam look at eachother, not sure if the demon has caught on but it doesn’t matter as two more steps.. and he’s caught.

Sam begins to roll the chant out off the top of his head while Dean smiles smugly.

“I bet you thought you were pretty clever. A school. No one would suspect that”

The demon begins to his and quiver and before replying the headmasters head is thrown back and that familiar tunnel of thick black smoke rushes from his mouth with an ear splitting cry.

“We’re getting too good Sammy” Dean winks, patting his little brother heavily on the back.

“Yeah. Hey.. where’s.. Cas..?”

A loud, high pitched shriek makes both the boys jump and run to the classroom across the hall. At the back of the room is a crowd of year 4’s, stood around a pile of beanbags in a ‘quiet area’. I pile of beanbags housing a dark haired man in a trench coat, curled up, snoring softly.

 

“I don’t know _what_ Ofsteds recruitment process is these days but we’ve had some real weirdo’s the last few years and you take the cake!” Deputy head Mrs. Brown is yelling as the boys are marched off premises.

“Well done Cas” Dean jabs him in the side as they climb hurriedly back into the car and hurry away.

 

Once back in the den Sam hits up Bobby to let him know how it’s gone.

Cas’ eyelids are heavy and his shoulders are slumped as he drops heavily onto the beat up couch.

“You should get some sleep?”  Dean suggests, sitting down next to him. Castiel chews his lip, staring at the floor, offering a small shrug as his only reply. “Seriously. You look like shit. And-“ he tries to supress a snigger. “You fell asleep on a mission man! You can’t make a habit of that..”

“I’m fine” Castiel growls.

“Dude.. whats up?” Dean senses something underlying here and lowers his voice, shuffling a little closer. He hesitates before resting his hand on his friends knee reassuringly. “Why haven’t you been sleeping?”

Cas forces out another heavy shrug. “I.. can’t. I keep seeing.. I keep reliving..” he chokes and stops talking abruptly, closing off before he’d even opened up. Dean knew nothing he could say would get Castiel to explains the nightmares he’d evidently been having but he think he understood anyway. Or understood enough.

Without thinking Dean takes Cas’s wrist, tugging him up off the sofa and leading him to his bedroom. He pulls out a pair of old pyjamas. “Put these on” he says softly but leaving no place for refusal. He stands in the doorway, letting him chane with some kind of privacy. Cas coughs awkwardly when he’s done. “Get into be. Shuffle along.”  
dean grabs the remote and flicks on the small tv hooked on the wall opposite the bed, finding an old Tarantino rerun he hasn’t seen for a while and sitting down on the bed next to Castiel but on top of the quilt.  
“Sleep. I’ll wake you if you start having a nightmare.”

Dean isn’t prepared for how violent Castiel’s nightmare is going to be. He’s sweating and shaking and moaning and Dean struggles to wake him, getting him a glass of milk and cool flannel to calm him down.

Castiel doesn’t like sleeping for a long time. He _really_ doesn’t see what all the fuss is about. Plus it just seems like a waste of time really.  
But he recognises after that night that it is a necessity. He also learns the sleeping beside Dean. Knowing that he’ll be woken if he’s sucked too far into his mind, makes it a whole lot easier. Almost.. bearable.


	4. The time Cas and Dean took a roadtrip.

"I'll meet you th.."  
  
Cas never finishes the sentence. He’s stopped moving as well, halfway through turning away from Dean.   
  
Dean bit his lip, tried not to laugh, but ended up snorting in a rather in dignified manner.   
Cas turned back to face him scowling, his brain very obviously ticking over the situation.   
  
"Everything okay buddy?" Dean teased, his voice dripping with amusement.   
  
Cas cleared his throat. "I.. I'm going to have to go with you.. aren’t I?"

Sam had headed south to meet up with an old friend but had spotted a potential job and suggested Cas and Dean come down to help out.   
  
Patting him hard on the back Dean winks. "Today's your lucky day"  
  
The aftermath of the angels falling was a difficult time for everyone involved. It had taken the longest few months of Deans life to find Castiel, and even when they had finally met up things had not been smooth. There was a fair share of animosity on both sides and neither of them really knew how to deal with all the emotions they were experiencing.  
Dean had fluctuated between anger, relief, guilt and confusion. And everyone knew he didn’t like to face his emotions.  
Cas missed being able to appear and disappear. He thought he’d probably have appreciated that more in the last few weeks than he ever had done.

Cas had been human for nearly four months now and thanks to the Winchesters he thought he was beginning to get the hang of it.  
He was also re-learning his place alongside them. As a part of the team and their friend  
  
Dean says he's not good at either. Being human or being a friend.   
Sam says he's half joking.   
Castiel doesn’t know which half.  
  
"Remind me again why we aren't flying?" Cas grumbles after ten minutes of fidgeting and wriggling around in the front seat of the Impala struggling to get comfortable as Dean consults the map, pinpointing Sammy's location.    
  
Deans gestures to his face. "Wanted everywhere baby" he says smugly, hiding any irritation at how old that's gotten. "Now put your seatbelt on, we're going."  
  
Castiel scoffs. "I'm not wearing that.. restriction!"  
  
"You are if you're in my car!"  
  
"But I don't want to" the ex-angel pouts and Dean can feel his resolve slipping so he grits his teeth.   
  
"I'm not leaving til it's on. And this is a freaking long journey anyway. You don't wanna make it worse"  
  
The smaller man huffs for a moment before relenting and stroppily jamming the belt into the socket. He folds his arms across his chest and continues to glare out the window as Dean starts the car and pulls out of the gas station onto the freeway.

Dean twists the dial on the radio, tuning into Zepplin and then whacking the volume up.

"That's too loud" he whines.   
  
Dean simply shakes his head "Dude, quit your whining!" he says, flicking it up further.   
  
Cas throws him his signature scowls and turns his back on the driver as much as he can, staring out the the window.   
  
Dean makes small talk, enjoying the Texan heat, drumming on the steering wheel, enjoying the music.   
But Cas remains silent.   
  
"You know, you're like the worst person to road trip with. I mean, Sam has some pretty annoying habits but-". He's cut off by his phone ringing.   
"Speak of the devil"  
  
"Devil? What?" Sam questions.   
  
"Nothing. Cas can you?" Dean asks, thrusting the phone at him so he could focus on the drive. And force Castiel into communication.   
  
He fumbles with the phone, pressing it to his ear. "Sam?" he asks curtly. "Yes... In the car.  A road. I believe somewhere between our starting location and our final destination... no I'm not try-.. how am I being awkward?"  
  
Deans laughs "alright alright. Let me!" he grabs the phone back, clamping it between his shoulder an ear. "Sorry, I should have known. We're on route 20, just going through.. Tyler"   
  
"How long do you think you'll be?"  
  
"I reckon we're about 6 hours off..."  
  
"You gonna pull up?"  
  
"Could do. I was thinking of just driving on through the-" he stops at the sound of giggling in the background. Unmistakably from a girl.   
  
'Sammy, how long you gonna be'  
  
Dean chokes back a laugh. "But we can pull over that's fine!"  
  
"No Dean! It's okay, I just bumped into Sandy. She was in my class-"  
  
"Night Sammy! Use protection!" he snaps his phone shut, a grin spreading across his face. He looks over at Cas who's still frowning at him. "Change of plans, keeps your eyes peeled for a motel!"  
  
"Keep.. peeled..?"  
  
"Will you cheer up man! I know you're used to getting around a bit quicker than this but dude. You ever heard that saying. 'Its about the journey, not the destination'? Or er.. something like that.."  
  
Cas grunts. "Eyes on the road"  
  
It was torture. A couple of months ago he would of been able to snap his fingers and bam. He'd of been in New Orleans in less than a second.   
It all just felt like a waste of time. All this in between. It was pointless.   
He fidgeted restlessly.   
  
"Here we go!" Dean pulls into a carpark occupied mostly by trucks. "Just call me.. 'Mark Markowitz'. Man, where do they come up with these!" he chuckles, turning over the shiny plastic card as the enter the lobby.   
  
"Well, you boys are in luck! Our best double is newly vacated! Situated right away from the road!" the redheaded receptionist coo's, stepping around the desk, swinging the keys around her index finger. "You know we have no prejudice here. I know us texans get a bad rep but really.. and I know you gays can be... loud. Our rooms are very soundproof" she winks at Dean.  
  
Castiel chokes, his eyes widening.   
  
Dean just grins at her, winking, making her flush the same colour as her hair and giggling.   
  
"Are we.. sharing?" Castiel stays rooted to the spot by the door, just in the room. Dean often sat by him when he slept, or sat on the bed until he drifted off, but they’d never actually.. shared a bed. Cas wasn’t sure how comfortable he feels about that. It’s Dean but… _personal space.._  
  
"You heard her. No twins left" Dean replies casually, dropping his duffel down on the bed and unzipping it, pulling out a wash-bag and pyjamas and dropping them down.    
  
"But.. you _snore_ "  
  
Dean hooks a beer from the fridge "Specially after a drink" he grins, his eyes wrinkling.   
  
Cas feels stiff from the long journey, his shoulders and back aching.   
He struggles into one of Dean’s old t-shirts and some dark striped plaid trousers that were also Deans. Simply because he didn't have any of his own.   
  
"You look exhausted" Dean observes from where he's sprawled on the queen size bed, flicking though the poorly tuned channels and a small square tv.   
  
"Yeah" Cas mumbles, peeling back the quilt and dropping down next to him.   
  
"Hope you've been sleeping" he's told sternly.   
  
"Yeah" he whispers, curling into a ball facing Dean, oblivious to the invasion of personal space.

Dean finds a game on the tv and tries to focus but can’t. His eyes naturally want to flick from the screen down to the body next to him and even though he can will them not to, he can’t stop his mind from wandering.

Cas’ breathing has slowed, his chest rising and falling gently. He looks more peaceful than usual. Though not completely at rest. He’s getting better at sleeping.

Dean bites his lip, forcing himself to read the score but Castiel lets out a huff of hot air which Dean feels on his arm, spreading goose pimples, and the man next to him shuffles, his toe touching Deans leg, his forehead a mere inch from his elbow.

He tries sucking in a deep breath to clear his head but he is very aware of the blood pumping round his body right now. Pump right to his groin. He can feel heat rising at his collar and his stomach tying in knots.

“ _God dammit”_ he growls, jumping off the bed nimbly and throwing his coat on, shaking his head at Cas. “ _Stoopid god-damn angel, smelling all pretty, looking all cute”_ he grumbles and heads out for a bit, hoping to walk off his ‘hot flush’ before resorting to a cold shower.


	5. The Time Castiel Cockblocked Dean

Then there was his feelings, which seemed to be making up for lost time, thrashing like a hurricane in his head at all times.  
  
It was a constant effort for Castiel to remain neutral. He tried to give off the exact same air he'd always done. For both his an the boys benefit. But that seemed to be becoming increasingly difficult.  
   
"I'm so bored just sat here, night after night, waiting for Bobby to call" Dean is moaning.  
  
They'd been holed up in some cheap apartment, 5 stories about downtown New Orleans for three nights now. This was about to be the fourth.  
  
When Dean and Cas had arrived earlier in the week they'd assisted Sam in trapping an expelling three demons but not before getting it out of them that there was something more going on down these hazy backstreets.  
   
Bobby had tracked a few disturbances over the past few months but was having trouble pinpointing exactly what was going on here.  
   
So the boys were stuck, waiting for news.  
  
They'd been out, asking around the first couple of days, but this appeared to be making the locals uneasy. They were reluctant to talk and Sam and Dean felt pushing them wasn't going to help.  
   
"You heard Bobby. We just have to sit tight. He's trying to track a friend of his last seen heading our way. Might have more info"  
   
"Look there's three of us. I don't see why we can't just center off one of the locals, MAKE them talk!"  
   
"Dean! You've seen them. They're terrified. They aren't going to tell us anything." Sam tries to reason, though deep down he agrees with his brother. The last few days had felt like a complete waste of time and he was beginning to think that if Bobby couldn't provide them with any more information they'd have to bail on the hunt, and they all hated doing that.  
   
"What about you Cas? What d'you think?" Dean tries.  
   
Cas raises his eyebrows an shrugs. "I agree with Sam, we have to wait for Bobby"  
   
Dean throws his arms in the air in exasperation "Knew it! You two are so boring. You need to live outside the box"  
   
Sam scoffs at this comment.  
   
"I agree that it is boring here, but what can we do?" Cas sighs, because he is bored. Or whatever Sam identified him as. **Frustrated.**  
   
"Go out, that's what!" Dean jumps up and grabs his wallet off the side. "It's half 9. Bobby's not gonna call tonight."  
   
"But what if he does in the morning?" Sam argues, not liking the sound of this.  
   
"Then we don't whine like sons of bitches, we go out an take this motherfucker down!"  
   
Sam as Cas look at each other nervously because Deans got his determined voice on and they both know there's no stopping him going out now. It's just whether they want to accompany him.  
  
Dean sidles off to the bathroom to clean his teeth and check his hair or whatever.  
   
"We'd better go?" Castiel suggests. He doesn't like the idea of Dean drunk in a bar in an unfamiliar city alone. **Worry.**  
   
"But.. Bobby might.. I just don't think.." Sam sighs heavily. "Okay. But only for a bit. One drink?"  
   
Luckily the boys are staying directly above a pool hall / bar. The place is massive. It's dimly lit and smokey with jazz pipping through invisible speakers.  
Dean finds the bar, ordering a row of shots and a selection of cocktails and handing them out.  
   
"I see a poker table" he grins, downing the shot and grabbing his drink and vanishing.  
   
Sam sighs heavily as he leaves. Castiel watches him go. The arrogant swagger in his step. The way other people watch him as he passes. He winks at a young woman as he passes her, making her blush and Castiel frowns, because he knows all that confidence is for show and he doesn't understand.  
  
The more he gets to know Dean the more he realizes what you see and what you get are two very different things. Everyone thinks Sam is the complicated one but they are so wrong.  
   
And he just doesn't get it. It's often on his mind, especially in situations like this when Dean is playing up the most. Cas used to think confusion was simply not understanding something but now he knows how persistent and nagging it can be. Dean should be proud of who he is. He should be able to be himself.  
   
Dean returns to the table, significantly drunker than before, buy insignificantly richer.  
  
"Guess I'm getting the next round then!" he declares upon spotting Sam and Cas's long empty pint glasses on the bar, ordering before Sam can protest.  
  
"How you doing? I'm Dean, I'm in a band. I play saxophone" he grins at a busty blonde sat at the bar beside them.  
   
Castiel can't explain the way his stomach knots watching this. He suddenly feels kind of sick, which must be from the alcohol. It must be defective.  
   
Dean swivels on his barstool so his back is to the guys and continues to spout off some BS story to his gullible companion.   
   
Cas can't tear his eyes away. Can't help but watch.  
   
Eventually the girl excuses herself to the bathroom and Dean turns back around, big grin. "Huh? What d'ya think?"  
   
"Why did you lie to her?" Cas asks flatly, causing Deans smile to falter slightly.  
   
"Well I'm sorry Cas, but telling women I hunt demons for a living doesn't usually go off so well!"  
   
"Well maybe you should find someone who likes you for you" because wasn't that the idea anyway?  
   
"Dude I'm not gonna marry her or something! I just wanted some fun. You don't have to go spoilt it"  
   
"I just don't see how that's fun" Cas grumbles backing down.  
   
Eyebrows raised in shock Sam looks from his brother to Castiel trying to figure out what's going on here, before deciding he doesn't really want to know.  
   
"Because Cas, if you hadnt noticed our job is kid of stressful. And I could pretty much die any day so forgive me for wanting a little bit of fun now and again! I hardly have the choice of a proper relationship.  
   
Castiel is glaring out across the bar the whole time he's speaking and doesn't give a reply.  
  
By now the girl has come back from the bathroom but on waiting for Dean and Cas to stop their bitching she is picked up by another guy.  
   
Dean notices and groans. "Thanks buddy" he mumbles sarcastically, slapping Cas on the back and heading back up to the bar.  
   
"What was that about?" Sam asks under his breath as soon as his brothers left.  
   
Castiel just shrugs, scowling still.  
   
Sam bites his lip. He has a theory but it's crazy, so how do you even approach that.  
   
"Well as Deans friend, you should be happy for him if he finds a girl. Cheap hook ups may not be your thing, hell they aren't mine, but they are his. It's his way off dealing. You just gotta let him do it" he sits back in his chair ad watches as Cas processes this.  
   
"But.. I don't want him to need those girls"  
  
 "You're jealous?"  
   
"Am I?" he looks at Sam, then over at Dean, tilting his head. "Jealous" he repeats.  
  
He gets up then, abruptly, and Sam has to follow because he's just so curious. The ex-angel approaches his brother, tapping him on the shoulder.  
   
Dean turns around and sighs. "What?" he asks lazily, all venom gone from his voice.  
   
"I'm sorry I ruined your cheap hook up. I did it because I was **jealous**. I think I want you all for myself. I don't like this feeling, so I'm going to go to bed now. Goodnight Dean." he nods, and leaves.  
   
Dean is gob-smacked. He doesn't say anything for a while, just looking up to his brothe for an explanation, but he seems just as confused.  
   
"What... was that?"  
   
"I.. Have no idea. I mean, it's obvious he was jealous.. I didn't see that one coming though.." Sam shakes his head. He lets out a low chuckle but Dean is chewing his bottom lip thoughtfully.

"Stop!" he hits his younger brother playfully on the arm. "What.. _shit._ What's going on?"

"Hey, this is your problem. You better go sort it out!"

  
Castiel slams the door to their apartment and just stands in the middle of the room for a while, trying to get his head straight. He knew humans had _feelings_ , thousands of them. And he knew he'd have to deal with them. He just thought they _knew_ what they were feeling. If you're experiencing it, how could you not? But Cas didn't. He had no idea why he'd acted so weird all evening. Or why he panicked at the idea of going to sleep without knowing Dean was close by. Why despite the moaning, he'd really enjoyed that journey with Dean. Being out on the open road, being free. He could feel that. Free, even when he was with Dean. Like he wasn't judging him.

Maybe this is just what friendship is.


End file.
